Staying Present Over Perfect: Overcoming Body Criticism During the Holidays
The holiday season can be a joyful time filled with family gatherings, delicious food, and festive cheer. But for many, it can also bring feelings of self-doubt, body criticism, and the pressure to look a certain way. With social gatherings, holiday photos, and diet talk looming around every corner, it’s easy to get swept into a cycle of body comparison and self-criticism. However, there’s a better way to approach this season: by focusing on being present rather than perfect.
In this post, we’ll explore practical ways to help you let go of body criticisms, release expectations, and instead embrace the joy, connection, and true spirit of the season. Let’s look at how you can navigate the holidays by focusing on presence, compassion, and acceptance.
1. Set an Intention for the Season
Before the holidays ramp up, take a moment to set a positive, meaningful intention. Ask yourself: How do I want to feel this holiday season? Maybe you want to feel connected, joyful, or at peace with yourself and those around you. Let this intention be a guide that you can return to whenever self-doubt or body criticism creeps in.
As you set your intention, prioritize what truly matters to you. Remember, you don’t have to please everyone or say “yes” to every invitation—setting an intention helps you prioritize moments that align with how you want to feel.
For example:
“I intend to be present and enjoy moments with my loved ones.”
“I intend to be kind to myself and release any need to control my body, even if it is just for this night.”
Setting an intention gives you a touchstone—a reminder of what really matters to you and can help ground you when stress or self-criticism arises.
2. Reframe Negative Self-Talk
If body criticism is something you struggle with, know that you’re not alone, especially during a season that often brings up old insecurities. When you catch yourself having negative thoughts about your body, practice a gentle reframe that will remind you of your intentions and priorities.
Instead of saying, “I shouldn’t have eaten that,” try saying, “This season I’m focusing on connection, not controlling my food.” Shift the focus away from appearance and perfection and back to the things that will truly make your time special.
Examples of Reframes:
Old Thought: “What if people judge me?”
Reframe: “I deserve to be here just as I am. My body is worthy of love and respect from myself regardless of what others say.”
Old Thought: “I shouldn’t have had that dessert.”
Reframe: “Enjoying food is part of life and I am allowed to have that regardless of what I look like.”
Reframing doesn’t mean suppressing your feelings; it’s about gently redirecting them so you can be kinder to yourself and remember what you truly care about in life.
3. Set Boundaries Around Body and Food Talk
Holiday gatherings can sometimes come with unsolicited comments about bodies, food, or weight—often from well-meaning family members who don’t realize the impact of their words and, let’s be honest, sometimes from fat phobic people who need to reasses their actions. Setting boundaries around these topics can help you stay centered and show yourself the respect you deserve.
Here’s how to do it:
Have a Response Ready: If someone makes a comment about your appearance or what’s on your plate, try responding with a prepared phrase like, “I’m not focusing on that, so I’d rather not talk about my body or food choices.”
Redirect the Conversation: When diet or weight comes up in conversation, try steering the discussion toward other topics. You might say, “Let’s not focus on that today! Why don’t you tell me how your kids are doing?”
4. Embrace the Experience, Not the Expectations
The holidays often come with idealized images of the “perfect” family, the “perfect” outfit, and even the “perfect” body. This can create pressure to look, feel and act in certain ways. Challenge these expectations by focusing instead on the unique experiences that make the season memorable for you.
Consider how freeing it could feel to simply show up as you are, without worrying about meeting anyone’s standards. This season, let go of the idea of being “perfect.” You don’t need to look a certain way to make memories, connect with family, or feel the magic of the holidays.
5. Engage in Mindful Presence
One of the best ways to let go of body criticism is to focus on what’s happening around you. By practicing mindful presence, you can fully enjoy each moment, from the taste of a holiday treat to the sound of laughter at a family gathering.
It can also help to treat holiday eating as you would any other day. Instead of labeling certain foods as “off-limits” or needing to "earn" what you eat, try to see each holiday meal as just another opportunity to nourish yourself. This mindset can help you approach food with ease, rather than stress.
Try these mindfulness techniques:
Engage Your Senses: Notice the smells, tastes, sounds, and textures around you. What do you see? How does the food taste? What sounds make you feel joyful? Connecting to your senses brings you back to the present and out of your mind’s self-critical chatter.
Practice Gratitude: Reflect on the things you’re grateful for at each gathering, meal, or celebration. Gratitude shifts your focus from how you look to what you feel and the things you value in the moment.
6. Prioritize Self-Care and Rest
The holiday season can be physically and emotionally demanding. Taking care of yourself is essential for managing stress and body criticism. Prioritize time for rest, reflection, and activities that make you feel grounded and happy.
Here are some simple self-care tips:
Rest When You Need It: Allow yourself breaks to recharge, whether it’s a nap, a quiet walk, a nourishing meal or just some alone time to decompress.
Move for Joy, Not Obligation: If movement makes you feel good, engage in activities that you truly enjoy rather than punishing workouts. Think of movement as a way to connect with your body, not as a way to “earn” or “burn off” food.
Practice Compassionate Self-Talk: Treat yourself with kindness when stress or insecurity comes up. Remind yourself that it’s okay to feel this way, and that you’re doing the best you can.
7. Remember What Matters Most
In the end, the holidays are about connection, love, and creating memories. Years from now, you’re likely to remember the laughter, the shared meals, and the moments of kindness far more than how you looked in a holiday outfit.
When body criticism arises, remind yourself of your intention for the season and ask: What do I want to remember about this moment? Chances are, it won’t be the size of your body or the calories in your food, but the warmth, love, and joy shared with others.
As one of my past clients would say “be brave, not perfect.” <3